Be Careful What You Wish For!
by Deadtom77
Summary: Abby and Connor stood in their flat shocked and heartbroken. Set immediately after Cutter's death. How will they go on without him?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to these characters or any settings/songs/places. This is merely a fanmade writing experiment and is in no way profit making.**

_**Be Careful What You Wish For!**_

_**Chapter One**_

* * *

Abby watched Connor closely, as the tears fell unheeded down his cheeks and she struggled to remain composed. Connor looked so broken, empty even. He had not said a word since he have vowed over Cutter's…. Oh God he's dead! Cutter is dead! Gone! Abby felt herself begin to shake in reaction and a howl of despair well up inside her but fought to control both. She had to try to hold it together. Connor needed her!

At the ARC, after Connor had carefully laid Cutter's body on the ground, Abby had turned and clung to him. Connor had put his arms around her and he'd held on to her as steadfastly as she'd held onto him. Neither had said anything. They just stood there holding one another. Until long after the ambulance had taken Cutter's lifeless body away. It was only as a soft rain had started to fall that Abby had once more become aware her surroundings and of the people around them. Abby had looked at each of them in turn.

Sarah wide eyed and stunned by it all. Becker bewildered and confused as to how any of this could have happened on his watch. Lester blustery, acting as if in charge of the chaos. Jenny shocked and heartbroken. Then Abby looked back up at the man holding her.

Connor looked hollow and was as still as a statue. Tears poured from his unseeing eyes. The only spark of life was how tightly he'd clung to her. Abby had felt Connor begin to shiver and knew she had to get him home. So reluctantly she had loosened his hold, and was alarmed at his docile acquiesce as she had firmly taken his hand, led him to the car and then driven them home.

Mute the entire car journey, Connor held a white knuckled grip on what looked like an old artifact and had just stared at it with unseeing eyes. He'd obediently followed her again, his hand in hers, when they had arrived home and she'd led him into their flat. Now he just stood there, silently weeping, clutching the artifact and blindly staring as the two Diictodons they had rescued chased Rex around his legs.

'Connor.' It came out a husky whisper, her voice raw from crying. She cleared her throat and tried again. 'Connor.' Her voice was louder this time but still he did not seem to hear her. Abby walked up to him and placed her one hand over his holding the artifact and gently touched his cheek with her other. 'Connor.' She said firmly and Connor blinked, focusing on her. Abby didn't not know if it was her voice or touch that had reached him but she saw him swallow and fresh tears fall from his eyes as he gasped.

'Abby?' Her name a question for which they both knew there was no happy answer. 'Abby.' Connor pleaded and Abby felt his disbelief and grief like a physical blow. Their gazes locked and Abby ached at the misery and despair she saw in his tormented eyes. Abby wanted to take his pain away. To tell him everything would be OK. That it wasn't true. That Cutter wasn't….

'Oh, Connor!' Abby wailed, losing the battle with her own tears. Connor's face swam out of focus as crippling truth broke her resolve and she quickly closed the gap between them. Abby wrapped her arms around Connor, rested her head on his chest and gasped in air as his arms came around her. She pressed herself against him, trying to ease his agony and find solace for her own. Desperately she tried to master her tears and took another deep breath.

Abby lifted her head and looked up into Connor's beautiful brown eyes. Eyes which only hours before had been full of sparkle and laughter as they had driven from the hospital and back to the ARC. Connor had teased her about them coming home from the labour ward with new babies. 'We're parents again.' Connor had grinned at her and Abby was shocked at how his smile had the power to make her go weak at the knees.

'It's OK guy's. You're adopted.' Abby had told the Diictodons with a grin of her own. Then wished the words unsaid as she saw from Connor's skew answering smile that she had hurt him again. Abby hated herself for fabricating more barriers between them and for bringing that stricken look into his eye. _She hurt herself when she hurt Connor a_nd it sickened her in both heart and soul! Yet Abby could no more help her instinctive response to keep him at a distance than she could help breathing.

When alone in the quiet of the night Abby argued with herself as the truth she had long denied taunted her. If only to herself Abby had to admit she had always been drawn to Connor Temple. Her niggling conscience would not let her ignore how cute she had thought him right from the start. She had instinctively trusted him and they had easily had become best friends. Readily she had let him share her home and far too quickly, with an ease that concerned her, Connor had become central to her world. That set off alarm bells louder than those on the anomaly detector with Abby!

Connor had blackmailed his way into her home but Abby knew despite his manipulations that Connor wouldn't really have betrayed her if she had refused him shelter. Even though she denied it out loud, to herself Abby had to confess she had let Connor move in because she enjoyed his company. That in fact she'd always felt a connection with Connor, she loved living and working with him, she loved him…. NO!

Abby had shied away from the intensity of her true feelings and even managed to successfully bury them for a while. That was until Connor had unknowingly uncovered them! And once she'd acknowledged her feelings to herself they refused to stay ignored. Abby Maitland was in love with Connor Temple but self preservation made her deny it to herself, the world and most importantly to Connor.

Abby had long held Connor at bay and denied her true feelings because she knew Connor was never going to be just a one night stand. Connor was never going to be a simple passing fling. Not like it would have been even if she had ever got together with Stephen. Even if Stephen hadn't have been a cheat Abby knew she never would have been, or even hoped to be, Mrs Stephen Hart. On the other hand she instinctively knew that any relationship she had with Connor would be deep, intense and all consuming. It would certainly be so for Connor's part in it! Thus Abby had convinced both of them that they were just best friends and nothing more.

So Abby had been stunned to discover that she was jealous of Caroline! Abby had felt an instant animosity towards Connor's girlfriend, had immediately been on the defensive, felt hurt and insecure. Abby refused to look too deeply into the reasons why and had chosen to believe it was just dislike of Caroline's invading her home and mistreatment of Rex that were the cause of her resentment. Then she'd been taken by the Mer creature!

She'd never forget the look in Connor's eyes or how he'd desperately clung to her as she dangled from that cliff….

'_Just let me go. Let me go.' She begged. 'I can't!' Connor cried. 'Please?!' She sobbed. 'I love you!' Connor avowed. _

'_I love you!' _Abby had been terrified and certain they were both about to die yet she had never felt more alive or elated as when she heard Connor yell those words. _'I love you!' _Connor had shouted and Abby was astounded to realise she loved him too. What silenced her then and since was that her feelings for Connor terrified more than the Mer! Abby had denied to Lucian that Connor was her boyfriend, which was a fact but knew in her heart it was just prevarication.

In his eyes, Abby had seen how Connor truly felt about her as he's flailed about avoiding his admission once back at their flat. Abby was also sure that if Cruella Deville had arrived five minutes later, Caroline would have walked in on a much more compromising scene!

Abby had known then that if things developed between her and Connor it would be the real thing, a once in a lifetime, true love deal. Weather she admitted it or not, Connor was her soul mate and if they ever crossed the line from friends to lovers there would be no going back. _And it scared the hell out of her!_

Abby trusted Connor. She knew he would never hurt her. What terrified her was the thought that **she** would screw up any intimate relationship they might have and that she would lose her best friend. Lose the one person she had always been able to rely on and who had always put her wants and needs first. Abby was aware that past hurts made her defensive and cautious when it came to matters of the heart but she was petrified that she might lose Connor if they became lovers and things went awry. Which is why she'd built tower blocks trying to keep her deeper feelings for Connor contained.

Now his wounded eyes were pools of sorrow and Abby wanted to forever banish the drowning look he gave her. Helplessly he gazed at her and she felt him begin to shake in her arms again. As she swam in his chocolate orbs Abby realised that the thought of losing Connor terrified her but seeing him suffer was an unbearable torture that she could not endure and would do anything to ease. Even if it meant tearing down the barricades she had so long defended!

Abby stepped out of his arms and gently took Connor's hand again. Linking their fingers she silently led Connor to her bedroom, to stand by her bed and slowly began to undress him. Like a marionette with its strings cut Connor gazed at her with unfocused eyes and seemed unaware that she was slowly divesting him of his clothes.

She undid his belt and snap of his trousers and let them drop to his knees, leaving him stood in his Batman boxers. She guided Connor to sit as she pulled off his boots, socks and slacks. She slipped his waistcoat down his arms and jumped as if burned when Connor yelled, 'NO!' as she tried to take the artifact from him. Abby saw his manic grief and and her heart ached for him.

'It's O.K, Conn. I'm just going to put it safe on the side so you can get undressed and some rest.' Abby soothed as she slowly eased open his clenched fingers.

Connor let Abby open his hand but then tightened it back around the artifact again as Abby began to lift it from him and her gaze snapped back to his. His eyes implored as he beseechingly explained. 'I have to keep it safe. It matters. I promised...' Connor got no further as tears choked him.

'Shh it's alright, Connor. I promise. I promise we will keep it safe.' Abby pledged, once more prying open his fingers. 'See? I'm just going to put it safe on the side here.' Abby softly said, taking the artifact from him. Abby placed the artifact securely on her dressing table and turned back to see Connor silently sobbing. Abby quickly hugged him before she finished removing his waistcoat and lifting his top shirt up over his head and off.

Sat in only his boxers and yellow t shirt Connor gazed at her exposed and vulnerable. He trembled with grief. His sorrowful eyes followed her as she quickly undressed down to just her pants and long white shirt. Connor gave no smile or even hint of reaction to her slipping her bra off from under her shirt or to the fact that they were both now half naked together in her bedroom. This more than anything scared her.

Abby knew Connor was physically attracted to her. She often caught him staring at her, he always paid her pretty compliments and he could not hide his smitten grin every time he saw her walking around in her underwear. So his lost, disconsolate expression now spoke volumes to the depth of his grief.

Stephen's death had been a blow to them all and had left Connor hurting and a little distant. Now they had all suffered another devastating blow. They all had to face the empty hole that Cutter's loss created but the vacant look in Connor's eyes made Abby fearful of how Connor would cope with his mentor's death. She had just undressed in front of him and all she saw in Connor's gaze was mute agony. She was frightened she may never see his cheeky, adoring grin again.

Abby wanted to magic away the pain but nothing could bring Cutter back from the dead and fill this gut wrenching wound. She let her own tears begin to fall as she crawled onto her bed and lay down. Abby needed to hold Connor as much as he needed to be held. She opened her arms and whispered. 'Come here, Conn.' Connor's face crumpled as he gave an agonised groan and tightly wrapped his arms around her waist and buried is head in her stomach. Abby gave an answering sob as she lovingly cradled his head.

Abby had no notion how long they lay such, his arms grasping her desperately, his head nestled on her tummy. She tenderly stroked his hair as she held him and her shirt was soon sodden with Connor's tears. Her own pillow soggy from her weeping. Minutes, hours or days could have passed. Time lost all meaning as they clung to each other and mourned. There was no thought of lust or sexual desire. Not even when Connor rolled over and pulled Abby with him so she was now the one lying on his chest. It was just comfort. Pure and simple.

Connor gave into exhaustion first. His hiccups and sobs eventually turning to soft snores and Abby found the escape of oblivion not long after. Connor's now even breathing a soothing sedative. Abby's last thought as she fell asleep was to wonder how things stood between them now because even though it was all in innocence a line had been crossed as they cleaved to one another. A bond deeper and more intrinsic than that even of sex forged. There would be no going back to pretending they were just friends after this and as Abby drifted off holding Connor safely in her arms she found she couldn't bring herself to care.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to these characters or any settings/songs/places. This is merely a fanmade writing experiment and is in no way profit making.**

_**Be Careful What You Wish For!**_

_**Chapter Two**_

* * *

Two weeks! It had only been two weeks! Two weeks since his world turned upside down and his hero and mentor had been killed. _Murdered by his own wife!_ Even now Connor shuddered, struggled to breath and felt his stomach revolt at the thought. The tears fell without his consent and Connor was surprised he had any left to shed.

A week ago they had held a quiet service and Professor Nick Cutter had been laid to rest. It all seemed to have passed in a blur to Connor. He could not have told you who else attended or what words were spoken in Cutter's remembrance. The only things he could recall was his own loss, Jenny's heartbroken sobbing and…. Abby!

Abby. His shadow since he had carried Cutter's body from the burning ARC. Abby. His anchor that grounded him when he was lost at sea. Abby. His rock when he'd barely had the strength or will to go on standing. Abby. Connor not help his watery smile as he thought of his best friend.

Abby, who was his everything! Mary Jane to his Peter, Lois to his Clark… Leia to his Han. Connor had to confess though that lust had not stirred in him these past two weeks. He was too gutted and lost to want to anything more than to simply hold Abby close as he tried to come to terms with Cutter's death.

Abby's solid, reassuring form was the only thing that eased the ache in his heart. She had been a tower of strength these past two weeks and Connor was sure he would have gone insane had it not been for her staunch support. Without Abby being at his side, Connor would never have survived the first night of this waking nightmare that he'd stumbled about in since his mentor's murder.

Work was the other crutch he depended on and Connor had thrown himself in to it. The bomb that went off at the ARC had destroyed so much… There was a billion things to do just get them back to where they were before, little own make any progress with the mammoth task he was now left to face alone. His head ached when he thought of everything he needed to get done.

Connor had worked every day and most nights since he had woken, still clutching Abby tightly to him, the afternoon following Cutter's death. Yet it seemed no matter how hard he worked it was never enough! Never enough to let his mind switch off and rest. As it was the nights that tormented Connor. It was a night when his exhausted body betrayed his mind and left it unoccupied to go over and over the last conversation he'd had with the man whom he'd adored like a father.

'_Cutter.' Connor called out futilely in comparison to the noise of the burning building. 'Cutter.' The smoke and heat brought tears to his eyes as he searched the flames. 'Cutter.' Connor's eyes stung, lungs burned, coughing and choking Connor kept looking. 'Cutter.' He called out again as he turned the corner. Suddenly it was fear not fumes that choked Connor as he found Cutter lying shot and bleeding on the floor. 'Cutter?' Connor asked. His name a plea for the Professor to be OK as Connor knelt helplessly beside him. _

_Cutter groaned, slowly sitting up. He smiled when he saw he who had found him. 'Connor. Good man.' _

_Connor could see Cutter was in agony and that he had lost a lot of blood. A __**lot**__ of blood! Connor's eyes told him it was too late but his mind refused to believe that. 'You hold on. I'm going to get you out...' Connor took Cutter's arm and began to help him up but Connor froze as Cutter cried out in agony. 'Sorry.' Connor whispered, releasing Cutter's arm. _

'_DON'T! Don't... Do that.' Cutter gasped._

'_Sorry.' Connor whispered again, feeling useless. Aghast he'd caused Cutter further pain._

_There was a resigned look on Cutter's face as he said. 'Its OK. Just sit with me.' Cutter lifted his hand and gently touched Connor's face. 'All right?'_

_Oh my God he is going to die! Connor's mind silently screamed and he gasped in air. 'OK.' Connor softly replied and defeated sat down next to Cutter. Numb with shock Connor almost missed what the Professor said next._

_Cutter grunted with pain as he rallied the last off his strength to pass Connor an artifact. 'Now…. Listen…. This matters. I don't know why but it does. So... You have to find out what it means OK?' _

'_OK.' Connor promised, dazed._

'_Now. It's on you now.' Cutter enthroned. _

'_No... No…..' __Connor quickly corrected him, denying the vocation and burden that Cutter was passing to him. '_Come on, we can do this together. We have always done it together.' Connor pleaded, begging Cutter with his eyes not to leave him.

_Cutter gave a relived sigh. 'No... Not this time.' Cutter said resting his head on Connor's shoulder. 'Tell... Tell Claudia Brown…. Never mind. It doesn't matter.' _

_Dead Cutter slumped against Connor. Hazy with pain and loss Connor leaned his head against Cutter's. Cutter had held on long enough to pass on his quest and Connor began to shake as the enormity of crusade he now led engulfed him. Terrified, alone and clueless as to how to carry on, Connor had no memory of carrying Cutter outside the ARC but just of staring down at his lifeless body and vowing . 'I won't let you down, Professor.'_

'I won't let you down, Professor. I won't let you down, Professor.' Connor mumbled, restless in sleep.

'Connor. Conn.' Abby gently shook him awake. Unhappy at having to interrupt Connor's much needed rest but refusing to let him to go through the nightmare again. 'Connor. You're dreaming. Wake up, Conn.'

Connor jumped and woke with a start. He and Abby were cuddled together on her bed. Connor felt his face again wet with tears and Abby soothingly stroking his arm. 'Sorry. I must have dozed off.' Connor husked, embarrassed.

'You don't have to apologise. It's O.K, Conn. I'm just sorry I had to wake you but you were...' Abby trailed off and squeezed his arm again. 'Are you alright?'

They both grimaced at the question and Connor bravely smiled. 'Yeah, I'm fine thanks.' Neither of them believed the lie and Abby sighed.

'You should try to get more sleep.' She said without much hope.

'_It's on you now.' _Cutter's overwhelming legacy taunted at him and Connor knew he get no more rest that night. 'There is so much to do, Ab's.' Connor said with an apologetic sigh. 'I better get back to the ARC.' Connor saw Abby's frown and forestalled her protest and rushed on. 'We can't do much of anything till the detector is back on line and its nearly ready. I should have it working today.' Connor said encouragingly, pretending that a working detector would be a step forward instead of them being back stuck on square one. 'And I know I'm close on figuring out the locking mechanism. It just needs a bit more work.' He said with more enthusiasm as his mind thankfully filled with lists of things he needed to do.

Abby wanted to argue but saw the distracted look in his eye and knew that work was what he needed. The trouble was, that work consumed him and she knew there was little point in to trying to get him to rest once his mind began to toil. He'd barely slept since Cutter's death and it had been restless and disturbed when he had. The few times Abby had succeeded to persuading him to nap they had slept together. Each holding on to the other, letting their tears of anguish flow until exhaustion had claimed them. 'OK, Let's go back to work then.' Abby smiled resignedly at him.

'You don't….' Connor stopped, _'Have to come with me.'_ He had been going to say but recognised the determined look on Abby's face. Connor knew that look and that there was no arguing with Abby once she made up her mind. He would just be wasting precious time if he protested_. _Besides Connor knew he was dissembling as he needed Abby with him by his side_. _Connor had become dependant on her indomitable spirit. Abby's mere presence made it easier for him to breath and focus so Connor smiled and nodded agreement. 'Thank you.' Connor took a deep breath. 'For everything.' Connor whispered, swallowing as his grief threatened to consume him once more.

Abby could see he was struggling to hold it together. 'It's OK. You're buying me breakfast.' Abby grinned at him, longing to see his charming, easy smile. She had to fight tears of her own when he bravely mastered his and grinned at her in reply.

'Your on.' Connor smiled and felt the pressure in his chest ease seeing Abby's light hearted smile. She mollified the hollow ache and gave him the opportunity to concentrate on work. In his head he began to prioritise his tasks. His mind already at the ARC, he gave Abby a distracted hug, got up and went back to his own room to get dressed.

A different sort of longing gripped Abby as she watched Connor walk away. She took a deep breath and shook herself mentally and moved to get ready. So far they're sleeping together had been purely platonic. Their only desire the innocent need to take solace in the others embrace. Yet as the shock of Cutter's death started to wear off Abby found other desires once more teasing at her.

She had all but walked into Connor as he was coming out of their bathroom the day before. He was wearing nothing but a towel after his shower and Abby was dazzled by how sexy she found him. Quickly she'd covered her reaction, forced a laugh and hurried back to her own room on the pretext she forgot something. The quiver of primeval desire she had felt as she watched a drop of water drip from his wet hair and trickle down his chest had both shocked and aroused her. Abby had wanted to touch Connor! Trace her finger down his chest, down the trail the bead of water had left. She wanted to follow it down underneath the towel that clung so precariously to his hips. Abby ached for Connor and longed to… NO!

She was doing it her again! She was letting her sexual desires get the better of her and putting her and Connor's relationship in danger! She had to get some _distance_! Had to find a way to get Connor to sleep back in his own room to give them both time to adjust to everything before they took things any further between them.

They would become lovers! She knew it was inevitabl_e _now. _She l_o_nged_ _for them to _b_ecome so! _ However with all that had happened she felt crowded and was desperate for some time to think. She could feel her panic and insecurities nagging at her and wondered how to she was going to create the space she knew they both needed.

She wanted Connor and herself to come together because they loved each other. Not because neither knew how to deal with the crushing loss of Nick Cutter. Abby had been the one to lead Connor to her bed in comfort and support and they had grown closer as a result. Now they were almost inseparable and the depth of her reliance unnerved her. Yet Abby knew if she asked Connor for space now he would see it as rejection. Hesitant she had no idea how to proceed without rebuffing him again.

Abby took another deep breath to calm her clamouring demons, hurried to change and drive them back to the ARC. Maybe she was worrying unduly and that things would unfold naturally now between them. But with her past record of pushing Connor away, (and in doing so before straight into the arms of that viper Caroline!), Abby severely doubted it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to these characters or any settings/songs/places. This is merely a fanmade writing experiment and is in no way profit making.**

_**Be Careful What You Wish For!**_

_**Chapter Three**_

* * *

You really should be careful of what you wish for! Abby thought bitterly. She had wanted an excuse to create space between her and Connor and here was a living breathing one that she could not ignore. Jack!

What the hell was she going to do?! There was of course a very simple and desirable solution to her problem. Just ask Connor to move into her room with her permanently. It was after all what she wanted. She was fairly sure it was what Connor wanted to. Or at least Abby thought that was what Connor wanted but that was before Cutter had… Abby stopped the thought in its tracks as thinking of the man who'd brought them together just hurt to much.

What **was** she going to do?! Abby wanted things to develop naturally between her and Connor but that was hardly going to be the case now with her baby brother watching and mocking their every word and deed. Even if she could convince Jack it was all innocent and she asked Connor to move into her room with her 'temporarily' and 'just as friends!', Abby knew that they would be tempting fate!

Abby knew that eventually the latent sexual desire that had already started to stir between them would arouse and then they'd…. Well she and Connor would cross that unspoken line and then they'd be still trying to work things out with Jack a spectator. Bloody Jack! Abby loved her baby brother dearly but there were days she could kill him and today was one of them! Yet how could she refuse Jack sanctuary? And what the hell was she going to do about Connor?!

As much as it pained her, (and knew it would crush Connor!_)_, there was only one thing she could do…. Abby was going to have to ask Connor to move out! **Temporarily!** Her mind almost screamed the word as she shied away from wretched task. She knew that not only would it hurt Connor severely but Abby also feared the loneliness that gripped her at the thought of living without Connor.

In the nearly three years they had lived together Abby had come to depend on Connor's presence in her home and heart. Just knowing that day or night Connor was always there for her with a smile, support, chat, hug, cup of tea made her feel safe and loved. She even liked that he made her crazy at times as in repentance he always gave her that cute apologetic look that Abby found adorable and always melted her ire.

Without any effort Connor had become integral to her happiness and she was scared at depth of her dependence on him. Yet it was the thought of long empty nights without him that truly terrified Abby. It may only been two short weeks and even then only a portion of those nights but already Abby was used to sleeping in Connor's arms. _This is why she had pushed him away!_ This is why she had held him off for so long because she knew as soon as started down this path she would happily lose herself in Connor Temple and Abby was still unsure if that was a good thing or bad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to these characters or any settings/songs/places. This is merely a fanmade writing experiment and is in no way profit making.**

_**Be Careful What You Wish For!**_

_**Chapter Four**_

* * *

_Her baby brother! Jack was her baby brother!_ Connor repeated the mantra over and over as he struggled even now weeks later to cope with the fact he was now evicted from his home and the woman he adored. At least thank God Jack was not Abby's lover as Connor had at first suspected him to be! Those few moments when Connor had stood looking at an all but naked Jack had shattered Connor's heart and he'd struggled to breath. Just the idea of Abby with another man devastated him and Connor had to take several deep calming breaths.

_But Jack is her baby brother!_ Connor consoled himself and sighed in relief. Though he was still bemused as to how he'd become homeless! Connor had been so relieved when Abby told him that Jack was her sibling that he'd not really taken in what he had been agreeing to until it was too late. '_Idiot!'_ He mentally kicked himself. Connor totally blamed Abby for confusing him. Abby who is so damn beautiful, distracting and adorable he would gladly jump off any bridge she asked him to if it would make her happy. Which is how he came to be grunting in pain as he tried to get comfortable on Lester's arm chair! Well at least he now had something to take his mind off Cutter's death. You really should be careful what you wish for! Connor thought bitterly.

_God he missed Abby!_ Missed - seeing her sleepy and grouchy at breakfast - that alertness that entered her eyes after her first cup of caffeine in the morning - her clipping him around the head because he'd drunk all the milk - her yelling at him cos he'd left his dirty clothes on the floor of the bathroom again - seeing her nip from the bathroom to her bedroom wearing nothing but a towel - watching her dance with Rex - the way she cared for their pets - making them both a cup of tea after they came in tired from work - their chats in the evening as they wound down after work - her moaning because he'd made her watch Star Wars again - sitting and cuddling on the sofa with her as they watched telly - the occasional, casual sleepy kiss she gave him as they said goodnight - just being able to call out and talk to her day or night - her smile - her laughter. '_I miss Abby!'_ Conner silently yelled, a tear escaping down his cheek.

He missed the way she'd wash and iron odd of items of his clothes she found in her laundry and the knowing look she gave him every time she handed them back. Usually it was a top of some sort because that way he could better inhale her scent after she had ironed it he thought with a wry smile. Connor was sure Abby knew his clothes 'accidentally' ending up in her washing was a deliberate act on his part and that she believed it was because she thought he was lazy. She didn't realise it was because he was so uselessly and pathetically in love with her that Connor would take any part of her he could get! Even if it was only her scent from an laundered shirt! Connor would treasure any crumb of Abby Maitland he could devour.

_He missed holding her at night! _Connor choked back a sob of pain as he remembered those to few healing hours he had spent resting in her arms. And it really was only a matter of hours - fifty seven hours and sixteen minutes to be exact. That is how long Connor had found relief from the mind numbing pain of Cutters death. That's how long he'd had a brief taste of heaven. Connor had counted! He had plenty of time whilst crashing first at the ARC and now at Lester's.

In fact despite chasing Sid and Nancy everywhere, working himself to the point of exhaustion, (and beyond so he could at least attempt to get some sleep!), Connor had spent far too many nights grieving, restless, gritty eyed and staring at the ceiling. To pass the time he'd calculated their time in bed together. Anything to distract himself from missing Abby.

That's how he knew it was fifty seven hours and sixteen minutes. He wondered if that was his quota of bliss? Connor shook his head in self recrimination as he realised he should have perhaps taken advantage of being in Abby's bed when he had the chance. Though at the time sex had not even occurred to him. If he was honest, it was not even what he'd wanted in those first few weeks of shock and despair. He had just wanted to hold Abby, to wake up from the nightmare, find Cutter alive and well and that it was all just a bad dream. Connor felt the tears run down his cheeks and he impatiently wiped them away and ached even more for Abby's healing embrace. God he missed her. _Bloody Jack! _

To make matters worse Connor could have happily swung for Abby's brother when he found out that Jack had gambled Rex away. It would have broke Abby's heart if she had found out! So Connor had neither told her or thumped her brother! Instead he'd rescued Rex, (thank God for Becker and his men!) and it had been problem solved. Thankfully with Abby none the wiser. Though it irked Connor no end to know that Jack was the reason he was now homeless and parted from the love of his life.

His ostracism, (thanks to bloody Jack!), left him floundering and alone. In Abby's arms Connor had found relief, comfort, belonging… Home! Abby was his home! Not their flat, or their belongings they were just things. It was Abby herself that was Connor's home and he yearned to return to their nest and the paradise of holding Abby.

_Maybe Abby would have kicked him back to his own room? Maybe they would have become lovers?_ He pondered wistfully and Connor twitched uncomfortable in his chair. He might never get to know now he thought miserably and he swiped at the tears again. He'd missed another opportunity to tell and show Abby how he truly felt about her and with them living apart there was slim chance he would get another! It was as painful as losing Cutter because it felt like he had lost Abby too.

'_Temporarily!'_ That's what Abby had said. It was only temporarily and for a few days! Well so far it had been forever! OK maybe that was a slight exaggeration as in actual fact it had only been two months since disaster, (that was Jack!), had struck but to Connor it felt like years! There was no sign that Jack was going to move out any time soon and Connor felt the longer he was away the more unlikely it was that Abby would want him back! First his mentor and now his soul mate. He'd grieved for them both and Connor stifled a sob as he frustratingly changed positions again, trying to fit his gangly frame in the small arm chair.

Connor still could not think of Cutter without a lump coming to his throat. So Connor tried not to think of him at all and paid his respects to the late Professor by throwing himself into the work Cutter started, determined to make Cutter proud. Connor felt the panic and misery loom, both hovering demons since Cutters death and knew he had to calm himself down.

Connor took a deep breath in and slowly released it. He could not let himself slip into that mind numbing black despair he had felt in the first few weeks after Cutter's death because now he didn't have Abby to rescue him. _Abby!_ Simply thinking her name made him smile. Even though she scared the hell out of him at times! He nearly lost her again the day before but then that's what happened when your true love was a real life superhero. The way she'd stood up to that Knight and defended the Dracorex... She really was amazing!

_God how he missed her!_ Connor had to to admit it made him kind of horny just thinking about how Abby had stood up that Knight but then any prolonged thinking about Abby generally resulted in him sitting uncomfortably and he felt the familiar ache and longing grip him! 'I love you, Abby Maitland.' Connor told the cold empty room and his vision blurred as tears fell again.

'_Well done, Connor!'_ He sarcastically told himself. '_Now you are upset, alone and horny! Great job, Temple!' _Connor mocked himself. With a defeated sigh, Connor gave up on the idea of sleep and went to take a cold shower.

Half and hour later, empty, unsatisfied and dripping, Connor sat defiantly on Lester's sofa rubbing his hair dry. His mini rebellion was unobserved as Lester was out but the defiant act made Connor smile none the less. Especially as he'd lifted up Sid and Nancy and they were cuddled to his side. 'At least I still got you guys. Eh?' Connor asked softly stroking the two Diictodons.

Sid and Nancy gave no answer other than to jump off the sofa and run off playing. 'Yeah! That's about right.' Connor said aloud, with a sigh. Then wondered if talking to himself meant he had gone mad? Connor was insane about Abby but then he figured that was probably just another form of mental illness - loving someone who did not love you back!

No! Connor shook himself and gave himself a pep talk. No, that's not true cos even if Abby's not _'in love'_ with me I know she cares a great deal about me. Her mixed signals confused him though and Connor was totally baffled as to exactly how deeply Abby did care for him. Like the day he told her he loved her!

All right so it was more that he yelled he loved her than told her. Abby had been slipping from his grasp and was about to fall off a cliff. They'd both been very likely about to die and another woman was his girlfriend! So admittedly his timing had sucked more than a little but even now Connor was still confused by Abby's reaction.

Abby had emphatically denied to Lucian that she was his boyfriend but back at their flat Connor was convinced that Abby had wanted him to repeat how he felt. Still reeling from the desolation he'd felt when he thought Abby was dead, Connor had been about to do just that and admit to Abby once and for all that he adored her when Caroline had interrupted them. He cursed his ill fate, (and Caroline!), for preventing him from declaring his love that day as he never found the courage again since! Abby certainly had never mentioned it again!

Though in hindsight Connor reckoned the look of longing he'd seen in Abby's eyes that day was just wishful thinking on his part anyway. It just was not logical that Abby would want him as she was way out of his league! Abby could do so much better then him! So Connor was glad he'd not declared his feelings as he was sure now he imagined Abby's look that said she returned his regard but then…

Abby always turned to and confided in him. They held conversations without words. She often found an excuse to touch him and on occasion even kiss him. Also Abby had clung as tightly to him as he had her in in the aftermath of Cutters death. Connor thought they had become closer as they had mourned together. _Yet she'd seemed so relieved when she asked him to move out! _Connor winced as he remembered the way Abby had said 'Wicked!', so ardently when he'd agreed to crash somewhere else. _'Surely if she felt more than friendship between them she would not have been so pleased?'_ Connor thought perplexed.

_So Connor really had no idea how Abby truly felt him._ All he was sure of was his own feelings. That he loved, missed and ached for Abby Maitland! Whatever her feelings for him ultimately Abby was **his** true love, best friend, hero, saviour and soul mate. Connor would wait a lifetime for Abby if needs be and who knew how things may develop between them in time. '_Eventually and if bloody Jack EVER moved out!'_ He told himself wryly.

Ever the optimist Connor choose to believe that one day he and Abby would have a future together. As the alternative was to face the crippling misery of a life without her and Connor had neither the will or the strength to do so so he continued to hope and dream.

Connor took a deep breath and grinned to himself. It was time to go to work which was the best time of his day. Not only did it mean a distraction from his lonely, depressing thoughts but it meant he would be with Abby again. He felt his grin spread as remembered his plan to wind Becker up today. Connor was determined he would be the one to sit up front on their next drive to an anomaly alert. The chance to wind up action man, plus being reunited with his love had Connor whistling as he went to dress for work. Who knew what today's adventures would hold?


End file.
